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Literature by JayDanjerCobain

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Submitted on
December 11, 2013
Submitted with Writer


25 (who?)
from age five
to twelve, 
it was the constant 
voices (at home
and in my head) 
telling me that i was

and then for 3 years
i was nothing.
i was the child 
that dyed her hair and
told her dad that
she didn't want to get married
because it was all
too much.
for 3 years,
i was the girl who
wrote stories and folded them up in
paper cranes
to hang above my bed. 

at 16 years old,
my dad tells me
that i'm too 
i don't eat enough.
and i know that it's not
true. i eat
what my body needs. 

and i had finally gotten
to the spot where 
i felt comfortable. 
no-- fuck, i felt good.
but now
when i look in the mirror
all i see is my dad
telling me that i am a mess
(even though he never said 
and that when he was my age,
he didn't have anxiety attacks 
and my brother
may be a fuck up but
at least he's
mentally capable (sort of).

no matter what,
my dad
will always be better
and so will my
almost-dropout brother,
because at least he can lie down
without wanting to die.

i'm just having a bad day.
Add a Comment:
AdrianMinotaur Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Balagna! (ba-lone-nee)  your perfect just the way you are! Your a beautiful young girl with tremendous talent and voice. It's perfectly fine to think your fat, to think your nothing, to have anxiety, depression, and to even want to die. These are natural progressions of self, and are in no way mentally unsound. I went through a lot  of the same feelings(actually my progression was very similar), and I'll bet you are going to shine beautifully in life, as you already do. You just don't seem to notice so well :)
solis-ortus Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2013  Student Writer
thank you. i understand these things, but it's something to come to terms with (which you probably already know). i appreciate your support. :heart:
AdrianMinotaur Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Awww, I'm just an old bum spouting crazy talk,lol :) I'd just like you to know after reading your freezing car poem, I believe you're doing magnificently! One thing that really helps me is I create a space inside where I can love myself for who I am, as I am right now. Imperfections and all ;)
solis-ortus Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2013  Student Writer
not at all! you make sense, i promise :) 
AdrianMinotaur Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Impossible, I must be a crazy old man with the voice of an angel. Like that homeless fellow who sounds like an announcer, :D
solis-ortus Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2013  Student Writer
maybe! haha
xColorblindRainbowx Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
this is one of my new favourite pieces of writing. i wish I could pinpoint exactly what it is, or eloquently word what it is that makes the poem so painfully beautiful. well done. keep your chin up
solis-ortus Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2013  Student Writer
thank you so much. :heart: & i will.
JohnAshleigh Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2013   Writer
A candid and direct poem which is laden with emotion. You have such dexterity when it comes to putting feeling onto paper. All anyone wants is to be noticed, and to be free of bad days. There is always a blue sky beyond those grey clouds. Thankyou for sharing.

solis-ortus Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2013  Student Writer
it's always darkest before the dawn. :heart:
thank you very much.
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